Why I Run
So I wouldn't consider myself a marathoner by any means, but I do have people ask me why on earth I would CHOOSE to run. To be honest, it has less to do with fitness than most would think...
Remember, a few days back, when I mentioned that I have ADHD?? Yeah... well to give you an idea of what it's like, watch this video what it's like to have ADHD. It will show you a little bit about what it's like in my brain every day. It's high energy all the time and very distraced. Jerry Arb is the name of the gentleman in the video and he is very good at explaining what i's like to experience how ADHD feels. These videos are a great way to see what every day is like for me..... I promise this is getting somewhere.... Well on top of the hyper-stimulation I cause myself (trust me its like being stuck in the middle of an argument but both sides of the argument are pretty much saying the same thing in different words), it is also very easy for me to get overstimulated by the things outside my brain. I HAVE to know who walked passed my desk every second of every day and by now I pretty much can tell you who is coming based on how they sound when they walk. I also want to perfect everything. It's pure insanity. I impress myself sometimes with it! We just moved my office a couple months ago and I'm still relearning some of them, but for the most part of got it down..
Anyway, I try to pay attention to literally everything going on around me, from the color of the walls, to what shoes the guy sitting three seats away from me is wearing, to how many stairs there are in the staircase, to all the work on my desk, to the conversation going on behind me, to the shadow of the person who just walked by, to whether or not I remembered to put a snack in Ciara's backpack, to.... hey where is the watch I bought 7 and a half years ago but lost 4 months ago??.. see what i'm saying!?
BACK to the point. In addition to having ADHD, I am a single mother.... The end.
Just kidding. But being a single mom who is constantly over stimulated is challenging. I feel that I lose my temper more often than I should, but at the same time, it is very difficult to walk away from a screaming child who just needs comfort. I sacrifice my own sanity to try to hug my little girl. There have been moments where I have actually broken down and cried because she won't stop crying, the loud crying and screaming is overstimulating me, and all i want to do is walk away but there is nowhere to go. I have learned though that, now that she is older, I can simply explain to her that I am overstimulated and we need to be as quiet as we can until I can get myself under control. She has been a blessing and has learned to either chill out or go to another room. She is a blessing for a child.
I also lead a very high anxiety life because I'm a glutton for punishment. Especially this time of year. Spring is the busy season at work and I choose to take on additional responsibilities, help others, and also have a million projects at home to work on too. Then, because of all these things, the everyday chores fall by the wayside and it's just this horrible downward spiral. I finally catch up on one thing just to turn around and see that everything else got worse.... It's terrible.
So we get back to the running... When I run, I put my earbuds in, turn my music on and shut off the rest of the world. When I run it's just me, the music, and the pavement. No "mommy, can you tie my shoes". No "Suzy, come help me with this". No AMA project nagging the back of my mind.... When I run, I literally think of nothing but how my feet are moving and how I am breathing.
When I run... nothing else matters. I focus on which muscles are being used, how much distance I've covered, how I can improve my times. Most of all, I focus on my breathing.
This clarity is why I enjoy running. It's the one time I get to get out of my own head and "walk away" from the stress of responsibility.
Because of this, I improve my health. Because of this I find a small amount of extra patience. Because of this, I am able to get up in the morning and do it all over again.
As a side note.....
Remember, a few days back, when I mentioned that I have ADHD?? Yeah... well to give you an idea of what it's like, watch this video what it's like to have ADHD. It will show you a little bit about what it's like in my brain every day. It's high energy all the time and very distraced. Jerry Arb is the name of the gentleman in the video and he is very good at explaining what i's like to experience how ADHD feels. These videos are a great way to see what every day is like for me..... I promise this is getting somewhere.... Well on top of the hyper-stimulation I cause myself (trust me its like being stuck in the middle of an argument but both sides of the argument are pretty much saying the same thing in different words), it is also very easy for me to get overstimulated by the things outside my brain. I HAVE to know who walked passed my desk every second of every day and by now I pretty much can tell you who is coming based on how they sound when they walk. I also want to perfect everything. It's pure insanity. I impress myself sometimes with it! We just moved my office a couple months ago and I'm still relearning some of them, but for the most part of got it down..
BACK to the point. In addition to having ADHD, I am a single mother.... The end.
Just kidding. But being a single mom who is constantly over stimulated is challenging. I feel that I lose my temper more often than I should, but at the same time, it is very difficult to walk away from a screaming child who just needs comfort. I sacrifice my own sanity to try to hug my little girl. There have been moments where I have actually broken down and cried because she won't stop crying, the loud crying and screaming is overstimulating me, and all i want to do is walk away but there is nowhere to go. I have learned though that, now that she is older, I can simply explain to her that I am overstimulated and we need to be as quiet as we can until I can get myself under control. She has been a blessing and has learned to either chill out or go to another room. She is a blessing for a child.
I also lead a very high anxiety life because I'm a glutton for punishment. Especially this time of year. Spring is the busy season at work and I choose to take on additional responsibilities, help others, and also have a million projects at home to work on too. Then, because of all these things, the everyday chores fall by the wayside and it's just this horrible downward spiral. I finally catch up on one thing just to turn around and see that everything else got worse.... It's terrible.
So we get back to the running... When I run, I put my earbuds in, turn my music on and shut off the rest of the world. When I run it's just me, the music, and the pavement. No "mommy, can you tie my shoes". No "Suzy, come help me with this". No AMA project nagging the back of my mind.... When I run, I literally think of nothing but how my feet are moving and how I am breathing.
When I run... nothing else matters. I focus on which muscles are being used, how much distance I've covered, how I can improve my times. Most of all, I focus on my breathing.
Because of this, I improve my health. Because of this I find a small amount of extra patience. Because of this, I am able to get up in the morning and do it all over again.
As a side note.....
Comments
Post a Comment